What must you think?

I’m taking a year out of university to prioritise my mental health. This a difficult thing for me to tell you, and I have spent time deciding what the best thing to do is, but perhaps this shows that there is work to be done.

I know that mental health is an extremely personal and private topic, and it is someone’s choice whether they share it or not. But I have to wonder how much of that comes from a social conditioning where we are taught not to talk about it, when actually, sharing it can do more good than bad.

I started up this anonymous mental health Instagram account, and it was a great way to share things I felt needed talking about, connect with a community and see people going through what I was. But creating an account solely about mental health created a lot of pressure, and I realised I was also preaching to the choir. Maybe there’s value in incorporating the topic of mental health on a platform not dedicated to it alone. It can be healthier, it can show that this can be present in anyone, and that it is a part of my life. I am a human living life, and I have an anxiety disorder and depression. 

Although it clouds my life, it does not solely define me. 

Struggling with your mental health can be isolating, but added to this is the distance that can be perceived between you and those who are not overcome with it. I sat and thought about being in my first years of university, and hearing about people who had taken time off, or dropped out for mental health reasons. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, there was an ‘otherness’ to them, that they were going through something serious that meant they could not continue as normal, like the rest of us. It seemed like such a massive thing, for something to get in the way so much you had to finally sit it down and give it all the attention it is asking for.

I was and have always been a worker, academic, passionate, and striving for goals. But I got to a point where it was not possible for me to be that person for a while. And suddenly I was one of them. And yet, I realised that there is no special, other group of people. Anyone can struggle with their mental health, and it doesn’t mean that is all you are. I am still me. I am still all those parts of myself, it’s just clouded by this thing over me. I see myself and those people not as weak, but as strong. Sometimes, someone’s world can just be seen differently by the eye and the mind, harder to navigate through.

 

I don’t mean to say that people taking a year out of university are the only people struggling with their mental health, or struggling the most, or that those struggling must take a year out of university to suddenly prove they are also going through it and deserve to be seen. The above statements apply to anyone going through a tough time. I just mean that dropping out is a sure-fire way to mark someone as ‘different’ and lately I have been analysing this way of seeing it, and how I see it now, from being one of them.

 

Taking a year out of university is what works for me. But everyone is different. I’ve learnt that this is one of the keys; we must be comforted and united by shared experiences and a sense of belonging, but everyone is completely individual. You cannot give people advice that helped you and be sure that it will work for them in the same way. You cannot trust that generalised mental health tips will apply to everybody. Believe it or not, journaling is unhealthy and unuseful for me.

It’s messy, and it’s incredibly complex. But, the way I see it, we have made leaps and bounds in the last couple of years in becoming more aware. I hope that I can do my tiny part to add to this.

I don't know where this is going to go, and I don't want to make it into a massive deal, otherwise it invalidates my point of trying to create less pressure. I just want to be transparent and true to myself. I’m proud of what I’ve done, I like and believe in everything I’ve written, and I will still continue to do the same stuff, but I want to make my platform more real-life, incorporating these topics.

I am not a professional, but I have experience and I have gained a lot of knowledge, and over the last year I have grown a desire to share it, educate people, and start conversations. I hope you want to stick around to see it.

 

Love, Evie.